Netizens and members of the Lesville community have been left in shock and awe after middle-aged lesbian impregnated her girlfriend.
According to reports reaching our desk, the couple has been together for 2 years and had been hoping to get a get. However, they had not wrapped their heads around getting a sperm donor or adopting.
The couple Alicia and Liz noticed a miracle was upon them when Liz started experiencing morning sickness, swelling of the stomach among other pregnancy indicators.
Alicia constantly persuaded Liz to accept the pregnancy as a miracle and avoid questioning the powerful actions of nature.
After investigations among friends and community Liz discovered that Alicia had been having an affair with a man.
On confrontation, Alicia confirmed the accusation was true. She confided she was bisexual and confessed she had had sex with the guy several occasions.
Alicia confessed that on a certain cold day, he ejaculated in her and a few moments later she had sex with Liz. She speculated the sperm may have been passed down as they were scissoring.
Friends of the couple intimated that Liz is utterly devastated and torn apart about fatherhood of her unborn child.
Tourism CS Najib Balala launching Tembo naming festival
In a bid to outsource funds for conservancy Kenya Wildlife Service (KWS) introduced an adoption scheme where individuals and corporations can get elephants named after them.
Tourism Cabinet Secretary Najib Balala mentioned they except to raise Ksh 100 million for the conservancy of Amboseli National Park Ecosystem.
“The funds are to be raised from individuals, corporates, and donations with as low as Sh1,000 for individuals and Sh50,000 for corporations, “ he said.
Days later, the government realized they can reap billions by adopting similar tactics for street names, roads, towns, public institutions, and even lakes.
According to a State House directive seen by our journalist, Kenyans will have to dish out millions to enjoy this privilege.
The quoted pricing is as follows: it will cost you between Ksh 100,000 – 250,00 to get a street renamed after you, roads naming price range from Ksh 400,000 – 800,000 — COTU Secretary General Francis Atwoli was the first beneficiary of this after getting Dik-Dik road renamed while towns range from Ksh 2 million to 15 million.
Public institutions such as schools and hospitals will cost you an average of Ksh 1 million while lakes, rivers, hills, and other natural features will be renamed for at least Ksh 2million.
The money raised from this drive will be used to feed our gluttonous MPs and their undeserving families.
They will also use cash for the 2022 General Election.
A Kenyan priest will miss his chance to enjoy eternal heavenly bliss after a motorcycle rider tricked him into selling his soul to the devil.
The priest identified as Thomas Mutembei realized something was wrong when he started seeing 666 all around him and had visions of people in hell.
He reported he has also been hearing a voice in his head telling him what to do. Thomas could also not believe it when he started to speak and understand ancient Latin which is the devil’s native tongue.
The signs at first prompted him to think he was suffering from a mental illness but a celebrated Vatican Psychiatrist diagnosed him with none.
Desperate for answers, he went on a self-imposed 3-day seclusion period to look back. He had no recollection of the Faustus bargain until he consulted the voice.
“I did not want to engage with it but I had no other option,” Thomas said on the verge of tears.
“Remember, remember of the bodaboda rider. Of bumpy and dusty road, of noisy engines and unheard words. Of lost attention and blind agreements,” the voice said to him in Latin.
At that moment memories came flooding to him of a Sunday morning he boarded a motorcycle to avoid arriving late at the sermon.
Thomas said the bodaboda rider talked to him throughout the 15-minute-journey but he couldn’t make out 99% of what he was saying due to strong winds, loud engine sounds, and traffic noises.
“Not to seem rude or disengaged I agreed to everything he was saying by interjecting with carefully placed yeses and yeah severally without understanding him. I did not know he was selling my soul to the devil.
Thereafter Thomas conducted investigations and discovered the bodaboda guy was a soul broker notorious for tricking mortals into dealing with the devil. He also learned he had gotten into a legally binding verbal contract and there was no way he could escape
The priest said he will neither wallow in sorrow nor regret but will make the best out of the situation by using the gained devil’s privilege to attract more followers and acquire better resources to spread the word of his Lord Jesus Christ.
He also mentioned he has become an active listener since the bodaboda incident.
On Tuesday a middle-aged man made international headlines after slapping French President Emmanuel Macron on the face.
The incident happened as Macron was on a visit to the Drome region in southeastern France, where he met citizens to talk about returning to normalcy after the COVID-19 pandemic.
On a video circulating on social media, the man could be heard shouting out “Down with Macronia” (“A Bas La Macronie”) before delivering the fatal slap to Macron’s face.
He also shouted “Montjoie Saint Denis”, which was the battle cry of the French armies when the country was still a monarchy.
While in custody the man revealed he slapped Macron because of failure to observe social distance.
Other reasons include but are not limited to: condemn a security law that would restrict police filming and posting pictures on social media to document cases of police brutality, failure to return stolen artifacts to Africa, Islamophobia, and exercising his hand to slap more politicians.
The man also said if President Macron was a Christian he would not have had him arrested but would have turned the other cheek.
We take a look at some of the most notorious, heinous, funny and downright idiotic crimes committed in all 47 counties across the country
Mombasa 001 In 2008, a trader was arrested for massive potato fraud after selling hundreds of brown-painted rocks at Kongowea market.
Kwale 002 In 2005, a young man fraudulently acquired tens of thousands from unsuspecting residents after charging them to register on Facebook and Gmail.
Kilifi 003 In 2014, a man was chased out of a mall after placing mannequins in sexually compromising positions.
Tana River 004 Former MP Danson Mungatana was conned Ksh 76 million by Africans who promised to increase the cash to Ksh 1 billion.
Lamu 005 In 2016, Chinese road contractors were chased out from a village after all dogs in the area disappeared under mysterious circumstancees.
Taita Taveta 006 In 1978, an elite squad attempted to assassinate President Moi but they had all forgotten their guns at home.
Garissa 007 In 2021, two undercover police officers posing as weed buyers arrested another police officer posing as a drug peddler.
Wajir 008 Terrorists tried to move the Somali-Kenya border but got tired and abandoned the mission halfway through.
Mandera 009 During the 2016 KCPE examinations, one student copied from his deskmate and in the process copied even their name and index number.
Marsabit 010 In 2015, a wedding had to be delayed after it emerged the contracted tailor had not completed making the groom’s dress.
Isiolo 011 In 2017 a bandit got stuck in a chimney as he tried to sneak into a house. Owners of the house lit a fire forcing the bandit to beg for his life.
Meru 012 In 2012, animal rights activists protested a move by a dairy farm to put cows in a giant centrifuge attempting to make a new brand milkshake.
Tharaka Nithi 013 Mwai Kibaki won the 2007 presidential race after a well-orchestrated blackout and miscalculation of Tharaka Nithi Votes.
Embu 014 In June 2016, a monkey caused a four-hour nationwide blackout after tampering with a 180 MW power transformer. The monkey survived the ordeal which took place in the Gitaru dam.
Kitui 015 It involved a man and a goat that looked at him in a sexy manner. Do you really want to know more?
Machakos 016 A man was beaten to a pulp by sex workers after refusing to pay a Ksh100 service fee.
Makueni 017 A man died of over bleeding after attempting to circumcise himself for a second time.
Nyandarua 018 A teen spent six years digging underground home after a fight with his parents only to be displaced by the government after the discovery of minerals in the land.
Nyeri 019 In 2012, an inmate tried to escape from King’ongo Prison by digging a hole. The hole emerged at the warden’s office.
Kirinyaga 020 In 2016, Saloonist Josphine Kabura carried million of cash in sacks from NYS headquarters with help of Governor Anne Waiguru.
Murang’a 021 A greenhouse mogul once tried to direct all the sunlight in the region to his farm.
Kiambu 022 A couple of youths tried to carjack a vehicle not knowing it was ferrying Recce squad officers. The hijackers drove themselves to the police station.
Turkana 023 A woman pretending to be dead to avoid a robbery was shot dead.
West Pokot 024 Not much of a crime but infamy, a woman abandoned her husband in May 2021 to marry the holy spirit. She even scheduled a honeymoon in Uganda.
Woman who married the holy spirit
Samburu 025 A priest was excommunicated after sending his sex tape to a church WhatsApp group.
Trans Nzoia 026 Two men masquerading as police officers flagged down a real police car.
Uasin Gishu 027 In 2015, self-declared god Jehovah Wanyonyi died and went to be with himself in heaven.
Elgeyo Marakwet 028 A motorcyclist identifying as a cyclist won the National Cycling competition.
Nandi 029 In 2018, fake doctor Ronald Melly was apprehended in Kapsabet after performing eight successful surgeries.
‘Dr’ Ronald Melly
Baringo 030 A woman was caught smoking bhang in a court parking lot after being summoned for marijuana possession.
Laikipia 031 In March 2021 a British soldier started a fire that ravaged more than 8,000 acres of Mt Kenya forest and killed two elephants.
Nakuru 032 In 2010, more than 130 people were killed in Sachangwan after an individual dropped a burning cigarette in the fuel they were siphoning.
Narok 033 In 2020 government chased residents of out of Mau forest to pave way for North Rangelands Trust to cut down more trees.
Kajiado 034 A man posing as a special needs patient deceived hospital nurses into washing him and changing his diapers.
Kericho 035 One John Karaimati was arrested after trying to sell a stolen car to the owner.
Bomet 036 19-year-old drunk driver Sally Maine almost choked to death after chewing her underwear thinking it would help her beat an alcoblow test.
Kakamega 037 Chokoras have severally smeared feces on people who refuse to give them money.
Vihiga 038 In 2009, a stranger terrorized parts of the region by shaving cats and dogs that came her way.
Bungoma 039 In 2021, a 32-year-old man impregnated his mother-in-law who was visiting to nurse his just-delivered wife.
Busia 040 In 2020, a millionaire faked his kidnapping for 75 days to avoid his family.
Siaya 041 A couple discovered a burglar in their house after the burglar laughed at the husband’s joke.
Kisumu 042 In 2021, a blogger complained about the high fish price in Kisumu and was consequently chased out of the area.
Homabay 043 In 2010, a man was arrested after going to the police station to report the theft of his 20KG marijuana stash.
Migori 044 A woman beat up her boyfriend after he orgasmed before her and refused to have her for another round.
Kisii 045 A son robbed his mother expecting to get away with it because he thought he could only be charged with burglary if done at night.
Nyamira 046 A lecturer slapped his student for not referring to him with his title as Professor.
Nairobi 047 In 2017, MP Babu Owino confessed to releasing hives of bees upon hundreds of demonstrators at the Milimani High Courts.
Citizen 250Q 