Citizen 250Q

Little Josh Winner of Viral Josh Fight

The original Josh Swain reading battle guidelines

On April 24th, 2021 Josh Swain invited tens of others with the same name for a fight where the winner takes it all.

He gave them a year to prepare and a location where they would meet for the fateful showdown.

Two days before the fight, he admitted he had posted the challenge as a joke under a spell of pandemic boredom but expressed his wish to go through.

“I’m afraid I have to oblige the internet and trek all the way across the contiguous United States to defend my name.” His Reddit post read.

Hundreds showed up for 2021 Josh battle royale

He also changed the venue to 40.858689, -96.784136 and asked participants to bring pool noodles and non-perishables for a charity food drive.

Well-wishers were requested to donate to the Children’s Hospital & Medical Center Foundation which provides medical care to children across the state of Nebraska.

The first battle would be followed by a pool noodle fight followed by a Swainbowl. Losers change their name and there remains one Josh Swain.

“We don’t know if in the future children of the losers will stand to fight for their father’s honor.”

Hundreds of spectators turned up for the epic battle chanting codes of their favorite competitors.

There were more than 100 participants after nine opted out before the fight started.

There were two tournaments going on; one for people with only the first name ‘Josh‘ to battle it out with pool noodles and another for participates with the full name of ‘Josh Swain‘ to have a “grueling and righteous battle of rock paper, scissors”.

99% of participants were kicked out in the first tournament. The remaining contestants completed more than several rounds of rock, paper, scissors. Only one emerged a winner.

“I like to fight,” little Josh, the first tournament winner, said. Josh the event organizer won the rights of the name defeating Josh Swain.

Losers made pinky promises they would change their names. At the time of publishing this, there was only one Josh Swain in America.

More than $8,000 was raised. You can watch the battle here or here with commentary.

Pool noodle stocks have gone up since the fight but the question remains, will there be sequel to the battle? Will individuals with other names rise to the occasion?

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President Moi’s Rungu Auction For Sh217 Million

The famous Fimbo ya Nyayo is set to auction for Ksh217 million on eBay.

According to a listing seen by Citizen 250Q, bids for the artifact start at $2 million with the highest bidder bagging the item.

The item has been listed as, “Trademark of the late Kenyan President made of ivory and gold.”

10% of the proceeds will be donated to The Nature of Conservancy, an environmental organization based in Virginia, USA.

It is reported, the rest of the money will be used to fund Gideon Moi’s 2022 presidential bid.

“Kenyans should understand we are not broke. How can we know poverty while we ruled the country for 24 years? We are just learning to let go.”

The former president died on February 4, 2020 aged 95 years due to multiple organ failure.

Moi’s net worth is estimated to be several billion dollars, mostly acquired at the expense of common mwanachi.

Those who can’t afford the regalia have been directed to keep their mouths shut and their keyboards untyped.

We are yet to understand why Moi was never arrested and the rungu confiscated despite it being illegal to own ivory artifacts in Kenya.

Gideon Moi endorsed as his father’s predecessor

Jelly Fish Apocalypse Not Coming

People should not expect jellyfish apocalypse to happen anytime soon.

According to a marine scientist, Mel Fishbone, the tentacled-creature will continue living even after humans are extinct.

“For over 500 million years the medusa species have ridden the wave of evolution unchanged and unscathed,” Fishbone mentioned.

“They have mastered the art of being in an evolutionary comfort zone.”

He went on further to list some of the reasons why Jellyfish’s existence will not come to an end soon.

1. They outlived dinosaurs. Dinosaurs were very tough.
2. They don’t have a brain meaning they can’t overthink stuff or overreact. With no stress levels they live longer than all other animal species

3. They also don’t have hearts, and lungs, making them immune to love, and asphyxiation, thus not susceptible to heartbreaks.

4. They can clone themselves. If a jellyfish is cut into pieces the pieces will turn into new jellies.

5. Jellyfish never tangle even when they have very long tentacles. Through this, they don’t get attached to anything or anyone, a core principle of Buddhism.

6. There is not much to a jellyfish. Jellyfish are between 85% and 98% water while the earth is 71% water. Do your maths.
Cool fact: Jellyfish evaporate once they are out of water.

7. They also have no technology which is said to be the beginning of man’s doom.

“I don’t see an end to these creatures,” Mel concluded.