Citizen 250Q

How to Cheat on Your Wife Without Getting Caught

In the recent past, netizens have been inundated by reports of celebrities cheating on their wives and getting caught red-handed.

These men have humiliated their wives and jeopardized their families. They stain the family man image most people have of them.

If you are ever tempted to cheat but fear being caught or exposed on social media, worry no more. We have compiled some guidelines to help you with your adultery endeavors.

1. Don’t date her if she is heavily active on social media.
Be vigilant of your side chic’s online presence. Most are clout chasers and will expose you the minute they think you want to turn away from them.

2. No photos
Avoid taking any photos with her, no matter how beautiful she is, they could be used as evidence against you later.

3. Don’t send nudes
The rule of thumb is you can only receive nude, never send yours.

4. Get another phone number
It is an amateur mistake to use your personal phone to sweet talk and sext your lovers. You need to know that your phone is always subject to scrutiny.

5. Let her know her place
Never allow your affair partner to be disrespectful of your marriage partner. They need to understand their position and to accomplish this, be clear as to whether you want to keep her as a second wife or if she is merely a plaything.

6. Do not change your behavior
Women are more intuitive than men therefore your wife will notice when you change your schedules, cologne, and fashion. If your wife sees a sudden spike in calls or texts to your affair’s phone number, it could raise suspicions.

7. Don’t leave a paper trail
Always use cash to pay for hotels, fancy dates, and trips. Avoid sending her money via Mpesa.

8. Always use a condom
One of the biggest mistakes you can make is to bring an STD to your matrimonial bed or sire a child out of wedlock. Purchase small packs or individual condoms rather than boxes, so you won’t get caught with extra condoms stashed in your car.

9. Never bring them home
No matter how infatuated or horny you are, you should never bring your affair partner to your home. This could lead to a sense of entitlement and disrespect to your wife.

In the chance that you are caught, you should not apologize online. It will humiliate your wife, family, and yourself.

Uhuru explains Why he Hates Hearing His Own Voice

President Uhuru Kenyatta has revealed he cringes when he hears the sound of his own voice.

“Every time I hear a recording of my voice I wonder if I really sound like that. I think my voice has a low pitch but every recording proves otherwise.”

Speaking to our journalist, it was apparent he has built his self-image and vocal self-image around what he hears, rather than the reality.

“You’d think someone with a good command of the language would love his voice,” Uhuru revealed he rarely listens to his speeches after orating to the public.

The head of state had to spend millions of taxpayers’ money getting the world’s best voice therapist to explain his cognitive dissonance. Uhuru gave the following reason

When the source of sound is a recording, the sound waves are only received through the air (an external stimulus). However, when the source of sound is the observer’s own vocal cords, sound waves also travel through the person’s body to their ears (an internal stimulus.)

“People perceive their own voice to be the combination of those two sources of sound, but everyone else just hears the external stimulus. This is why when you listen to your voice in a recording, it sounds different than the voice you’re used to.”

“We never actually hear our voice as other people hear it, hence our surprise when hearing a recording,”

The president also mentioned that the quality of a sound recorder can also lead to voice confrontation, the phenomenon of a person not liking the sound of their own voice.

How Teenage Pregnancy Ruined Zambia’s Trip to The Moon

In the 1960’s Zambia was on a space race to the moon with the Soviet Union and the US. The space program was led by Edward Makuka Nkoloso.

Nkoloso was a grade-school science teacher and director of Zambia’s National Academy of Science, Space Research, and Philosophy. This feat was inspired by his first airplane flight after the pilot refused to stop the plane so that he could get out and walk on the clouds.

The program had 12 astronauts including a 16-year-old girl, Matha Mwamba, who was to be the first Zambian to land on the moon and later Mars. Nkoloso recruited the astronauts, and put them through rigorous training of his devising.

The ‘Afronauts’, as he referred to them, were put in 200-liter oil drums, spun around trees, and rolled them down hills to simulate weightlessness. He also made them swing on a rope, before cutting the rope to allow them to experience freefall.

They were also taught to walk on their hands, “the only way humans can walk on the moon.”

His astronauts sometimes wore green satin jackets with yellow trousers. (They explained that those were not space suits: “No, we are the Dynamite Rock Music Group when we are not space cadets.”)

Nkoloso stated goals of the program were to establish a Christian ministry to “primitive” Martians, and the hope of Zambia becoming the “controllers of the Seventh Heaven of Interstellar space”.

“Our posterity, the Black scientists, will continue to explore the celestial infinity until we control the whole of outer space.”

The rocket, named D-Kalu 1, was a 3-meter by 2-meter (10×6 ft) drum-shaped vessel named after Zambia’s first president Kenneth David Kaunda.

Matha was to be accompanied by a missionary and two cats on the trip.

“When she arrives on Mars she will open the door of the rocket and drop the cats on the ground. If they survive, she will then see that Mars is fit for human habitation.”

The planned launch date of the copper and aluminum rocket was on 24 October 1964, Independence Day. However, Nkoloso had complained the Afronauts were having too much sex and were not focused on the space program.

“They won’t concentrate on space flight—there’s too much lovemaking when they should be studying the moon.”

The plan fell to pieces when Matha Mwamba became pregnant and returned to her parents weeks before the launch date. Two of his best men were also reported to have gone on a drinking spree in a nearby village never to return.

There was also a lack of adequate funds after Nkoloso received only good luck wishes from the millions of donations asked from the US, USSR, Israel, UNESCO, and other private entities.

Thanks to modern technology you can watch the documentary here or the training video here.

He later unsuccessfully ran for Mayor of Lusaka and was appointed by President Kaunda to the Liberation Center, a movement for regional freedom.

He died aged 70 years on 4 March 1989 and was buried with presidential honors.

Police Officer Kidnaps His Mother and Solves Case For Promotion

A police officer awed his colleagues and seniors after he solved the case of his missing mother in a record time of 27 hours.

The office identified as Tony told reporters he deserved not only a bravery award but also a direct promotion to the senior rank officer.

“I couldn’t sleep thinking she would spend Mother’s Day in the hand of captors. I did all I could.”

However, Tony was exposed by his partner, Lewis, who discovered Mark himself took hostage of his mother and kept her in an abandoned warehouse.

Tony has been arrested and taken under custody for interrogation. Sources confirm that Tony has confessed to his crime and has disclosed more names of culprits who helped him in this case.