Citizen 250Q

Govt to Replace All Police Guns With Rungu, Whips

After a secret crisis meeting, the government will replace all police guns with rungus and whips.

The high-profile meeting in Harambee House was held after an exposé by Citizen’s Purity Mwambia.

According to the report, guns are transported from the Ethiopian border by custodians of law into the capital.

With as low as Ksh 5000 any member of the public can buy a gun while bullets trade at Ksh 1000.

An internal memo has requested all police to return all guns and ammunition initially assigned to them.

In turn, each officer gets four whips and two batons of a color of their choosing.

An officer demonstrating the new weapons

This drive, aimed at instilling sanity in the arms business, will start on April 28, 2021, and will run for 30 days.

The police will not be expected to use physical force, sheer will, public relations to do with crime perpetrators and lawbreakers.

Ministry of Interior will also collect information from known and jailed criminals to help nail officers partaking in the illegal business.

The Harambee House officers also are formulating strategies on how civilians can arrest police officers breaking the law.

China’s Major Economy Growth After Successfully Neocolonialism in Africa

China has posted the strongest quarterly growth after successful neo-colonialism in several African states.

GDP growth of 18.3% year-on-year in the first quarter was the strongest since 1992.

Experts attributed this to debt-trap diplomacy adopted by the Asian country in Africa.

Be it $25billion owed by Angola, $13.5billion by Ethiopia, $7.4billion by Zambia, or $6.9billion owed by Kenya.

The shylock republic US$143 billion to African governments and state-owned enterprises between 2000 and 2017.

China intentionally extends excessive credit to a debtor country, thereby inducing the debtor into a debt trap.

This is done to extract economic or political concessions from the debtor country when it becomes unable to meet its debt repayment obligations.

The conditions of the loans are often not made public, and the borrowed money commonly pays contractors from the creditor country.

China also lends to some of the most corrupt economies in Africa.

White elephant projects are elegantly funded by China without concern for local economies.

Chinese economist Larry Hu mentioned they will continue until they are the world’s largest economy.

Congregants Steal Kakamega Pastor’s Underwear

A pastor in Lurambi, Kakamega is in turmoil after congregants broke into his church and stole his underwear.
This is not the first time thieves have PAG church in Makutano.

“Hii si mara ya kwanza, vijana wanafaa wafanye kazi kwa mikono yao sio kutekeleza wizi,” a church member told the press.

One of the culprits told Citizen 250Q that they made away with two suits, five shirts, two pairs of shoes.
He went further on to disclose the clothes weren’t to be used in any witchcraft ritual.

“I have a job interview this coming week. I will use the clothes to groom, not witchcraft.”

The 27-year-old guy mentioned that he saw how dirty and worn out the pastor’s clothes were that he decided to discard them.

“I have never faulted on any offering or tithe so I don’t understand how the pastor can wear such worn-out underwear.

It was as though he even wore them without washing them. I had to do something,” he said.

He also revealed he would return the clothes if he secured the job.

“If I don’t get the job our pastor will have to buy new ones, he has our money anyways.”

Johnny Sins Land Lucrative Govt Role in Kenya

Adult filmmaker Johnny Sins has landed a deal worth Ksh 69million with the Kenyan government.

The government is reported to need his skills not only to entertain the masses but also to fuck them over and over again.

Kenyan Parliamentarians have been wondering how he manages to fuck up people and they still have affection for him.

MPs expect to use the skills learnt from him to complement hand-out giving for more effective brainwashing.

“We have tried employing H.R specialists from all over the world but none has taught us how to fuck everything like we expect he will,” one MP told our editorial team.

The millions paid to Sins will be sliced from US $2.34 billion package disbursed by the International Monetary Fund (IMF.)

Heads of parastatals and ministries are also expected to participate in the two-week seminar spearheaded by sins.

The seminar is will take place in May after easing up of COVID restrictions.

“Had Mia Khalifa not quit the industry we would have procured her services to teach the masses how to take one for the team,” our source revealed.

No MP opposed the move as they all want to know how to fuck up everything more than they did before.

Police Selling Guns to Settle Govt Loans

A journalistic report by Purity Mwambia has emerged showing how easy it is to obtain a gun and police uniforms in Nairobi.

The guns are transported from the Ethiopian border by custodians of law into the capital.

With as low as Ksh 5000 one can buy a gun while bullets trade at 1000.

Police started the business in an effort to help the government upset loans owed to foreign nations and entities.

They realized bribes collected from suffering Kenyans would not suffice in their goodwill drive.

Robbing from citizens was not enough and they were forced to help other culprits break the law and rob more effectively.

Some even said had there been reliable arms dealers in the country they would not have resulted to such shoddy antics.

With the establishment of a gun factory in Ruiru, the arms’ business is expected to switch hands from the Police to the government.

Some officers trade their guns in order to get protections from dangerous gangs

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