Fairy Princess Refuses to Kiss Frog

Princess Tiana with the frog she didn’t kiss

There was confusion in Disney Land after Princess Tiana refused to kiss a frog.

Princess Tiana was heard protesting that an individual of her caliber should not be expected to touch, let alone, kiss an amphibian.

Moments before her outburst she had requested for the frog be thoroughly cleaned to avoid contracting any disease.

Tiana later changed her stance after consultation with her assistant. 

“My beloved Tiana should not be forced to kiss anyone in order to inherit her father’s kingdom,” the personal assistant said.

This move ushers in a new dawn for all fairy princesses who are forced to marry men they don’t know to suit society’s expectations.

Insiders revealed the reason Tiana refused to kiss the Prince disguised as a frog was because she is in a lesbian relationship with her PA.

We will keep you updated as this drama unfolds.

How Robbers Walked Away With Sh900 Million From Parliament

A den of thieves

Security has been beefed up in parliament after thieves robbed Ksh900 million.

The daytime robbery happened as Administration Police attached to parliament were in their guard booth oblivious of what was happening.

It is reported the robbers drove into Parliament with fuel-guzzling German machines not to arouse any suspicion.

German vehicles used by the robbers

“This was after weeks of planning how to invade the August house. There is no way we would have known about this earlier,” a sleuth privy to the matter confided.

“They grabbed what they could and within moments they were nowhere to be found.”

The robbers who were disguised as Members of Parliament passed bills to ensure their pockets were well lined.

They also misappropriated funds meant for development projects all over the country.

In addition to the corrupt MPs, there also were parastatal heads who awarded tenders with exorbitant prices to unqualified applicants.

“Funny enough, this is not the largest corruption heist in Kenya and it ain’t the last.

Brutal police force will be used to castigate and all those who speak out against this vice,” our source mentioned.

Ghosts Abandoning Houses at Alarming Rate

An abandoned house previously occupied by a ghost family

There has been a surge in paranormal energies since the pandemic started in 2020.

Following this, I contacted Janu Juma, an expert ghost hunter and leader of the Mtambo cult based in Mombasa.

“We’ve been getting ghost hunting calls from all over the region. People can’t seem to find their ghosts,” Janu said.

I spent time with Mtambo and what I discovered was shocking. Curfew and travel restrictions are also taking a toll in the spiritual realm.

One ghost complained she had been quarantined in a house with a sex-crazed couple.

Another lamented that before RONA she occupied an 8-room house alone. The house was then turned into a rescue center and she couldn’t tolerate children’s noise.

Boo! Guess who isn’t home.

The cost of living has also gone up and many ghosts can’t afford simple lifestyles.

Rent and land rates have also been increasing by the mandate of the Ghost government.

Janu said that even if ghosts are his prey he sympathises with them.

“I can’t wish homelessness on my worst enemy. I feel sad every time I see a ghost locked out or evicted from his house.”

Real estate value has also increased after the low fear index exhibited by buyers of unhaunted houses.

Monk Who Sold His Ferrari Goes Broke

One of the monk friends crying

A Tibetan Temple has revealed that a monk who recently sold his ferari has gone broke.

The monk sold his vehicle more than 20 years ago at an exorbitant price owing to his cult-like following.

It is believed the monk stashed the money in a Swiss account and only withdrew it a few days ago.

The monk identified as Jetchi spent hundreds of thousands of dollars in an underground casino in only two nights.

Jetchi had been suffering from a gambling addiction but thought he had gotten cured after 15 years of routine meditation and uuuummms.

It is yet to be established where the uncompensated monk got money to buy a custom-made Ferrari F355 Spider.

Wellwishers have been asked to fund his new ambition to buy a luxurious Bertram yacht.

President Uhuru Kenyatta Reveals How to Gain Weight in 5 simple Steps

Heavy is the head that wears the crown, literally.

Heavy is the head that wears the crown. Never has there been a truer phrase!

President Uhuru Kenyatta has been on a weight gain journey since he was elected to office in 2013.

Photos from his recent trip to Congo roused curiosity from journalists who inquired why he was adding while common Kenyans are dying of hunger and poor living conditions.

Uhuru 2013

“My fellow Kenyans, sorry, dear Congos my strategy is simple and anyone driven enough can add tremendous weight in five simple ways,” he said.

1. Get into public office, by any means, even if by rigging national elections.
This is the most crucial step and none of the other four strategies would work without it.

2. Adopt a “wameze mate sisi tukikula nyama.”
This entails sharing resources with only those in power positions. Never think about grassroots level citizens

3. Give leadership positions to those who oppose you.
Everyone has a price. Once you buy out your opposition, stress levels reduce and you’re able to focus more on eating the national pie.

4. Loot public coffers.
This entails grabbing a few billion for yourself and allowing your friends to do the same. You can ask for loans anytime after the government starts going broke.

5. Impose a curfew and travel restrictions.
People will have something to focus on other than your looting behaviors. You will also have time to focus on spending the money you have grabbed.

His Deputy William Ruto has also borrowed a leaf from this book but his metabolism is high

Uhuruto duo
Design a site like this with WordPress.com
Get started