The devil has come in the open to defend his honor after several people accused him of being responsible for their sins.
Speaking to our journalist, the prince of darkness intimated the allegations have caused mild depression and agoraphobia.
“I never know where the allegations will come from. Millions of humans have accused me of things I was not remotely responsible for.
It is a though people don’t know about this thing called free will. Neither I nor God is responsible for actions men take, we only bring the consequences,” Satan revealed close to tears.
Many have cited him as the reason for their infidelity, theft, corruption, murder, rape, lies, addictions among others.
“Every day I have to explain to my kids I did not do the things they say I did. I dread them growing up thinking their father is a monster and puppeteer who forces others to do his bidding.”
He explained that the universe is inherently evil and nothing would change would he cease existing.
The Prada-clad devil revealed God decided to use him as a poster boy for all evil and darkness in the world for no apparent reason.
“I did not cause a rebellion in heaven as religious books suggest. I just changed TV channels while God was watching his favorite show. I did not know he was obsessed with the sitcom.
People should eat more cheese to remember their actions have consequences,” he said moments before disappearing into a cloud of smoke and dust.
Citizen 250Q 
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