President Uhuru Kenyatta Reveals How to Gain Weight in 5 simple Steps

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Heavy is the head that wears the crown. Never has there been a truer phrase!

President Uhuru Kenyatta has been on a weight gain journey since he was elected to office in 2013.

Photos from his recent trip to Congo roused curiosity from journalists who inquired why he was adding while common Kenyans are dying of hunger and poor living conditions.

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“My fellow Kenyans, sorry, dear Congos my strategy is simple and anyone driven enough can add tremendous weight in five simple ways,” he said.

1. Get into public office, by any means, even if by rigging national elections.
This is the most crucial step and none of the other four strategies would work without it.

2. Adopt a “wameze mate sisi tukikula nyama.”
This entails sharing resources with only those in power positions. Never think about grassroots level citizens

3. Give leadership positions to those who oppose you.
Everyone has a price. Once you buy out your opposition, stress levels reduce and you’re able to focus more on eating the national pie.

4. Loot public coffers.
This entails grabbing a few billion for yourself and allowing your friends to do the same. You can ask for loans anytime after the government starts going broke.

5. Impose a curfew and travel restrictions.
People will have something to focus on other than your looting behaviors. You will also have time to focus on spending the money you have grabbed.

His Deputy William Ruto has also borrowed a leaf from this book but his metabolism is high